The one where it got icky and I stepped right back...
This weekend I found myself in a real icky situation, dropped there by someone who hasn’t even earned the right to take up that much of my emotional energy… (thanks to Sas’s Write Yourself Home workshop for the clarity on this one!) … or physical energy - good grief, am I the only one who has crazy strong physical reactions to emotional turmoil? urgh! the fizzing and sweating and all over discomfort are so distant these days and yet still so familiar when they arrive…
After a sleepless night I turned to the only person I knew who would hold the space for me to just let it all out, in all it’s messy honest ickyness; to plonk it right there in front of me where I could poke it around and worry at it until it made sense.
I gotta tell you, I stuck it out in my safe ol’ victim role far longer than you’d have thought possible - go me!!
And then, BOOM! It unstuck. I got far enough back to see the (way) bigger picture. I spotted my familiar pattern of letting older-males-with-a-better-job-than-me make the decisions (y’all saw the bunny ears around ‘better’ right?) and I smashed it wide open. With a hugely BETTER outcome than I could possibly have expected. The person who DOES deserve to take up a ton of my energy stepped up into the situation BEAUTIFULLY adding unexpected layers of fuzziness to the way I feel about them (which btw is already pretty awesome).
I gotta tell you, this was going to end badly and cause me weeks of sqigglyness, and I’m so proud of myself for breaking the pattern and choosing my own path.
Stepping back, into a safe space, was the only way this could have happened without too much damage. I got to take all the emotion out of it, think ahead and get clear on who and what really mattered.
Have you been here too? What would it be like to step back and get some deep clarity about the road ahead before striding forwards? For me it feels a bit like climbing up onto a rock to check out the best path across a muddy field ahead… sure the path might get tricky but I can avoid getting completely bogged down!!